… the HR Minion. Because even minions have opinions. And giggles.

Do you want results? Then you need to untie my hands.


If the only type of recruiting you are doing is reactive recruiting then something is wrong. I truly believe that. So I’m sure you can imagine how frustrating it is when that is the only type of recruiting I am able to do.

Take a position with an evening shift and average pay. Add to that a recruiting budget of ZERO dollars. Then times that by hiring managers (who can’t seem to manage their staffing needs farther in advance than two weeks) breathing down my neck. What do you have? A very, very grumpy HR Minion five seconds away from sending out her warrior robot race which may or may not know the value of human life.

I feel like I’m onstage performing a magic trick. Come One, Come All to see the amazing HR Minion pull 3 Call Center Representatives out of her ass while wearing a straight jacket!! How does she do it? (HINT: She doesn’t.)

Sigh. Luckily, my boss recognizes the wankery I’m getting put through and we are all working on a new process that would, oh I don’t know, BE EFFECTIVE!!! Didn’t I just say yesterday that the company doesn’t want to hire seat warmers? Well, if you want results I’m going to need you to loosen these ropes a bit, they’re starting to cut into my flesh.

5 Responses | Add your Own

  • 1 Rachel - I Hate HR :

    You have nothing on me!

    We have zero budget for our recruiting (we use colleges, local non-profit networks, craigslist, similar agencies).

    Then try to fill an awake overnight position. An awake overnight position that pays about $12/hr. And the employee cannot work more than a part-time job during the day.

    Oh and because regular staff refuse to work overnights those positions need to be filled yesterday when they come open.

    But, of course, we only do reactive recruitment as well.

  • 2 Danni :

    Wow. That’s some amazing imagery and beautifully describes quite a few of my hours at work.

    Great post and I am so glad I don’t do what you have to do 🙂

  • 3 HR Minion :

    Rachel – Is it bad that I feel a little better knowing others feel my pain? An overnight position, that’s tough.

    Danni – Aw, I’m blushing. 🙂

  • 4 Anonymous :

    I feel like I’m onstage performing a magic trick. Come One, Come All to see the amazing HR Minion pull 3 Call Center Representatives out of her ass while wearing a straight jacket!! How does she do it? (HINT: She doesn’t.)

    Y resemble this remart at my job! Only now the trick they want me to do is to pull a Line Cook out of my Ass whilst there is a hiring freeze…anyone? Anyone? Yeah, can’t be done, hiring freeze means NO NEW HIRES GENIUSES!

  • 5 HR Minion :

    Anon – A hiring freeze would tend to imply that you can’t hire anyone. I wonder if they think that it doesn’t apply to them because their position is SO much more critical than any random business need the company has. I feel your pain. 🙂