Shauna Moerke is…

This holiday rant is brought to you in the style of The Bloggess. Enjoy.

So even though I’m unemployed again as of today I totally woke up at 6 am so I could drive Tim into work this morning. Because I’m nice like that. Well, actually it was just to the train station because I’m not that nice. That, and for some reason mass transit is operating on the holiday schedule so it would have taken forever for him to catch the bus. All because it’s Christmas Eve today. Whatever dudes. And so I brave the inches and inches of snow on my driveway and the slippery conditions on the road, because despite what Steve M.G. Harrison thinks I do NOT in fact own a dog sled, just to arrive back home to remember that the garage door opener isn’t working so I have to park the car in the street, almost twist my ankle climbing through snow drifts, run inside getting wet footprints on the carpet because there is no way I am taking off my snow boots just to put them back on a second later, all to open the garage door. And then after the trek back to the car, where I almost twist my ankle again, my car refuses to suck it up and just power through the 6 inches of snow on my driveway that has not been plowed yet because our housing association can’t hire snow plowers that don’t suck.

So I have to park the car on the street yet again so I can try and clear the driveway enough to get the car into the garage because god help me if I leave my car on the street longer than 5 minutes because then it’s going to get towed or just buried under the snow by the plow, I forget which. As I start clearing the snow manually like a sucker I start thinking that this ain’t bad and at least I’ll be getting some exercise in and then a quarter of the way through I realize, ow, this hurts. It’s about this point that I start wondering why the hell I still live in a state that gets this much snow or, more importantly, why I still live here and don’t own a snow blower yet. About halfway through I wonder where the hell Tim is because isn’t this exactly what husbands are for, and then I remember that he’s at “work” earning “money” so he gets off totally scot free. This time. And so, even though I totally feel guilty about it, I only clear our side of the driveway instead of clearing the whole thing for our neighbor as well because dudes I’m tired and I don’t even know if she’s home because like that chick is only in the state like half the time and it’s a holiday today apparently.

Anyway, I finally get enough snow off our side of the driveway that I decide to make the attempt again and miraculously, I get the car back into the garage. So happily I get back inside and start getting ready to collapse back into bed when it occurs to me that I signed up to walk dogs in an hour and then need to run some last minute errands so I may end up having to wait 4 whole hours before I can lose consciousness again. And I guess in the end what I really wanted to communicate to you all was…

I hope you all have a great holiday, enjoy lots of good food, get lots of great presents, and can find humor in all the drama that the holidays can bring! Big hugs to everyone and thanks for reading through all that above.

On a related note, the winner of some very yummy homemade fudge from my onboarding contest is: David Porter because his story illustrated how important it is to not make assumptions sometimes, both in terms of alleged drug use and the location/lack of a bathroom. Yay for David!

Here is the fudge you could have won if you were as cool as David.