I’m not opposed to bribery
Now, I like to think I’m a fairly ethical person. Sure I get into shenanigans and I’m not perfect but it’s not like I go around committing crimes or anything. Speeding doesn’t really count, right? And I swear, no arsons have ever been successfully linked to me no matter what the cops may suspect. But, I do have a confession to make; I’m not opposed to bribery. In fact, I think a well-placed bribe here and there makes the world work a little better.
Scandalous, right? Well, yes I’m sure you could say it is. But if there was one thing I learned in my first job in financial services, was that it was amazing the results you could get with a well placed bribe. You know, put a little “something something” in the package with those documents I needed signed and I would get what I needed in record time. Need some help with committee overload? Find a way to entice co-workers or offer some quid pro quo, and stuff gets taken care of. Like I said, bribes make the world work a little better. In fact, the toughest decision you have to make is whether to send plain or peanut M&M’s. And what about fudge? Who doesn’t love fudge?
What? You didn’t actually think I was talking about something else did you? For shame, readers, for shame. But despite my silliness, I do have a point buried in here. If you find yourself facing a wall, instead of trying to break through, why not give someone a reason to help you over? It doesn’t take a lot to make people feel appreciated and important. And there is nothing like a little treat to make someone more receptive to you and your message. It’s all about building relationships and goodwill.
And hey, if chocolate doesn’t work, there’s always arson. Fire solves a lot of problems.
Disclaimer: This blog post in no way condones the use of arson. Or of bribes really. But still, please do not set things on fire and then blame me when you get in trouble. I’ve got my own problems to worry about…
