Shauna Moerke is…

Last night I was reviewing resumes on the couch while watching TV, because if I need to take my work home with me I might as well be comfortable. And entertained. Which is why I HAVE to listen to music while reviewing resumes at work. Trust me, it’s hard to stay focused otherwise. All the resumes start blurring into one amorphous blob of grammatically incorrect sentences and cliched phrases. Everyone seems to be a team player who likes to multi-task and is the best fit for whatever positions we have available, no matter what they are.

Hey, whatever gets me through the day, right? Though, if I must confess, it does get a little weird when a manager or employee walks into my office while I am in the middle of dancing along in my chair as I stare intently at my laptop. I don’t look insane at all I’m sure. Right. But then again, I enjoy doing things that catch employees off-guard with behavior that doesn’t follow the stereotypical HR persona. Who doesn’t like challenging assumptions?

So I was thinking I’d make a few other assumption challenging confessions while I was at it. Enjoy and feel free to share some confessions of yours as well. Come on, I know how weird you can be too…

– I do not own a Coach purse.
– I hate Cover letters. I don’t like reading them anymore than writing them. Sometimes useful, mostly a waste of time.
– I do not always cover my tattoos at work. Deal with it. I can’t believe how often that alone gets me weird looks.
– I do screen my calls and no, I do not want to talk to you for the 5th time today about why you think you should have more paid time off or not have to take a lunch break.
– I on more than one occasion have asked a boss if I could smack a manager/employee upside the head. I was only half joking.
– I do not want to discipline your employees for you. But I will coach you on what to say.
– I do not care if after work every night you go out partying like a frat boy. But you better be on time for work, do your job, and pass your drug test.
– Sometimes I CAN’T answer your questions because it would violate someone’s privacy or because I CAN’T share sensitive information. So I lie and say I don’t know. Cause frankly, sometimes just saying you can’t talk about it is just as damaging as spilling the beans.
– I wish I could just believe all your excuses, but come on, do you really expect me to?
– Yes, I also think your manager/employee/co-worker is an ass. I’m sorry. Be the bigger person.